Tipping Point Wk 1: Nonverbal Communication

As a mediator I think it is vital, in order to be successful and effectively help the parties who hired me, to me mindful of nonverbal communication- both mine and that of the parties.

I think a way to illustrate how powerful nonverbal communication is, how much there is constantly being used and displayed, and how it varies is through the video clip below:

Imagine the video above a communicative interaction during a mediation session and all the various color dots are all the forms of communication- both verbal and nonverbal- coming and going.

It could easily be viewed as overwhelming but I do not think it is. With some practice, I think we can all become better mediators (or insert ombudsman, conflict coach or other conflict resolution professional title) by paying attention to the numerous nonverbal elements usually present.

Perhaps being a product of the paramilitaristic culture of working for a police department for almost 8 years (yes, in addition to my mediation practice) and the love for acronyms for every learning tool, program, and project, I developed the following for first learning and now teaching nonverbal communication- METTA.

M- Movement- as in body language including facial expression, hand gestures, and posture

E- Environment- the room display, the choice of room, location, artifacts (type of furniture, paintings, drinks, food, etc.)

T- Touch- such as shaking hands

T- Tone- Yes, the cliché “It’s not what you say but how you say it”

A- Appearance- What you wear and it role

Looking at it from the perspective Gladwell mentions in his book, am I the only one who was picturing in their mind how his conversation flowed with Tom Gau, and how although Gladwell stated he had some kind of indefinable trait I could picture it in my mind along with envisioning Tom “fairly bouncing off his chair” (72) when explaining how happy he was?

Looking at it from the mediators lens while reading the section on the influence of nonverbal communication used by television broadcasters and their potential influence on voters (74), it makes me think how our own body language and nonverbal communication can (and does) influence and “guide” the parties.

The discerning question is- are we aware of those nonverbal signals we are giving?

A potential answer to the last question: Finally, what types of reflection can be done to improve nonverbal communication in the conflict resolution field? I think a simple way is to increase observing our peers and it could be a good reflective practice for both the person being observed and the person offering the feedback.

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Ellen J DeBenedetti on February 8, 2011 at 7:42pm

One thing that caught my eye in this post is when Jeff said " it makes me think how our own body language and nonverbal communication can (and does) influence and “guide” the parties." I believe that as mediators we have influence and we need to be careful how we use that influence. I actually think that the idea of mediator influence is really a better concept than neutrality. Reading the section on the power of non-verbals brought this home to me. We may believe we are neutral and try to be neutral, but in fact anything we do, even just our presence has influence. People in conflict behave differently just because a third party is sitting in the room.

So, how should we use this influence. When I mediate I am careful to try to use my influence in service of what the parties' want and how they want to proceed. I also try to always be optimistic about the mediation. I wonder if mediator optimism can be contagious. Is that optimism communicated through non-verbals?

Permalink Reply by Jeff Thompson on February 9, 2011 at 5:45pm

Ellen,

One thing that comes to my mind in reply to your comment:

Emotional contagion is something that research has proven and mediators could utilize (which I do) it via 'stroking', encouraging, and reminding the parties of the progress that has been made. Combining those words with open handed gestures, eye contact and forward leans I have found to be effective.

If, as I believe wholeheartedly, we are guides and are expert communicators, we can guide the parties by not thinking things are hopeless/helpless by reminding them of the progress that has been made.

Another note to add to the above is these nonverbal actions are rarely picked up as individual actions by 'untrained' people (i.e. the parties) and thus is often expressed in feedback as "not giving up", being a "good listener", and "guiding". That is not necessary bad but rather shows the nature of how implicit actions (nonverbal communication) are not always recognizable but having a substantial impact.

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