Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Cinnie Noble on June 5, 2012 at 4:19pm

Yes, I am fascinated with the art of questions myself Chris. 

 

There are some great books around about questions that I can recommend. They are not specific to conflict management coaching but present helpful ways to approach question-asking.To name a few: 'Coaching Questions, A Coach's Guide to Powerful Asking Skills' by Tony Stoltzkus, 'change your questions change your life' by Marilee Adams, 'The Art of Focused Conversation' by Brian Stanfield, 'Questions that Work' by Dorothy Strachan. In the ADR field, I like the use of questions  in 'Narrative  Mediation: A New Approach to Conflict Resolution' by John Winslade and Gerald Monk and the 'Handbook of Solution-Focused Conflict Management' by Fredrike Bannink.All books named here are available through Amazon. Maybe, members have other suggestions too.
 
Chris Freeman said:

Tammy, Cinnie and all, I think pretty much just the focus on questions. Where that is coming from though is that there is always the temptation to provide answers or suggestions, and some people really tempt you by inviting your opinion. Questions are one way of living with that temptation inside the model and are an intinsic part of the methodology as I understand it, and can help to stimulate the kind of new-found perspective that leads to insight. Finding the right question at the right moment, being able to ask enough questions without seeming to (or without seeming to be side-stepping), putting the questions in understandable language, preparing people for that aspect of the process, and one other point that has just slipped my mind.

I will benefit from going through the model again, and as I deepen my understanding, and comfort level, I will be focusing on and thinking about questions.

 

That's all I got!

Chris

Tammy Lenski said:

Hi, Chris, welcome to the book group! It sounds like you have some good coaching experience and are pretty familiar with Cinnie's work. Is there anything in particular you want from your participation here this month?

Tammy

Chris Freeman said:

Hey Cinnie,

 

In a previous job, we had a method for preparation for mediation that included a segment of coaching. I was exposed to your process in my current work and appreciated the way your approach can be used in a much broader sense. I've found it to be very useful.

It seems that it's important to follow the steps, and they do flow and provide a good framework. One thing I've noticed is that there is often a critical question that suddenly provides a huge amount of insight in the answer. I understand that it's the act of following through the model that allows that and I do need to get more and more familiar with it, and at the same time my focus right now is to become better at crafting questions.

 

In terms of the reading for this week, it was helpful to review an academic synopsis of the pillars, especially the mediation ones and reflect on where my practice lies.

 

Looking forward to it,

 

Chris Freeman

Permalink Reply by Andre Jackson on June 5, 2012 at 9:12pm

Hi Cinnie and Tammy,

I am interested in Conflict Coaching because I like the ideas of going beyond resolution and being more than a third party neutral. I am very interested in negotiating and coaching seems to be a point where ADR and negotiating come a little closer...

I have my first question for you, even though I am not sure it pertains to this week's reading. I just watched a few videos that discuss whether or not ADR is a "field". In one of them Juliana Birkhoff ("We Are a Field" -

http://www.mediate.com/articles/keystone_birkhoff.cfm) says that if ADR is a field it must compete with other fields over a publicly accepted hold on conflict. Codifying and routinizing the treatment of conflict might have a negative impact on ADR as a field. In other words, empowering people with conflict diagnosis and treatment skills is detrimental to ADR being a field, just like the medical field might be impacted if people were able to diagnose and treat themselves.

What is your take on that? Is that the consultant's dilemma, working themselves out of work?

Thanks in advance, Andre

Permalink Reply by Bryan Hanson on June 6, 2012 at 12:05pm

Greetings Cinnie,Tammi, and all, I really appreciate the opportunity to discuss this book with everyone as I dive on in it. I am getting a late start as it just arrived in my mailbox yesterday. I did have the opportunity to read the introduction last night and am already hooked. I do believe this is a very important role we as conflict specialists need to take on to help constructive conflict engagement engagement take root across our society. It is our efforts that will allow these concepts to integrate into the mainstream paradigm to encourage people that find themselves hindered by conflict to call someone that can truly help them determine the most appropriate route to resolving it in a effective, efficient, and sustainable manner.

I am looking forward to reading this book and learning the model you provide. I hope to realize how the model can most effectively integrate into my practice of mediation and dialogue facilitation. I enjoyed the Jones and Brinkert text on conflict coaching and feel the Cinenergy model will build on that foundation and further expand my skills as a key contact for people entrenched in conflict.

I guess what I hope to discuss and to hear others experiences regarding is the ability to convince those facing conflict to feel comfortable reaching out to experts while their conflict is still at a relatively low level. Educating the public is key, but are there any success stories where people started to offer these services and found a shift in their local community by increasing the overall culture of conflict competence?

Thanks! Bryan

Permalink Reply by Cinnie Noble on June 6, 2012 at 2:53pm

Hi Andre:

I will weigh in briefly too Andre....I  have heard these discussions for many years as well and I think they are important ones to have. I however don't have a strong opinion - one way or the other  about  whether ADR is a field, discipline or profession.  

The analogy to the medical field doesn't quite resonate for me and empowering people to gain awareness and skills to moer effectively engage in conflict strikes me as a good idea and I am not getting how that is detrimental to our field.. As for the consultant's dilemma - I would be delighted to work myself out of work. I however, don't think that's about to happen :) 

Cinnie

. 
Tammy Lenski said:

Hi, Andre -

I'm going to keep my reply to your question deliberately brief because I don't want to get off track from the book group discussion. Thanks for understanding our interest in focusing conversation on the book and the practice of conflict coaching.

It is perhaps a quirk of mine that I'm not very interested in questions like, "Are we a field," "Are we a profession, and "Which style of mediation is better/best/more practical/etc." I'm not saying they're unimportant questions, just that I'm disinterested in them. I heard the same questions asked almost 20 years when I entered the field and I'm not clear that they need an answer, that an answer will make a real difference in our work, or that someone else's answer will be particularly relevant for my own work with my own clients. I don't share the concerns you described others like Birkhoff have, either as a practitioner or as a professor. There will always be conflict. There will always be needs around resolving, engaging, and getting better at resolving conflict and negotiating. The forms that help with these needs may take will no doubt shift and change over time, but the underlying need will not...and that's  what I like to spend my energy on.

Warmly,

Tammy

Andre Jackson said:

I have my first question for you, even though I am not sure it pertains to this week's reading. I just watched a few videos that discuss whether or not ADR is a "field". In one of them Juliana Birkhoff ("We Are a Field" -

http://www.mediate.com/articles/keystone_birkhoff.cfm) says that if ADR is a field it must compete with other fields over a publicly accepted hold on conflict. Codifying and routinizing the treatment of conflict might have a negative impact on ADR as a field. In other words, empowering people with conflict diagnosis and treatment skills is detrimental to ADR being a field, just like the medical field might be impacted if people were able to diagnose and treat themselves.

What is your take on that? Is that the consultant's dilemma, working themselves out of work?

Permalink Reply by Cinnie Noble on June 6, 2012 at 3:48pm

Greetings to you Bryan and I agree that conflict management coaches play a very important role in among other things, facilitating conflict engagement and competence.

 

When I started to provide conflict management coaching in the late 90's it was a new mechanism and mostly at that time, I was retained after a dispute -  to help clients reach goals relating to how to independently reconnect, to better manage the ongoing relationship,  to make amends etc. It has taken a long time for organizations to retain my services  before things escalate or for people who are wanting to gain increased conflict competence  - to better engage in conflict in general. I am happy to say that this is occurring more and more.

 

I think part of the change has to do with the growth of the field of coaching and the acceptance of one on one work as a useful and viable  option for personal and professional  development. I have seen many people gain increased conflict competence through coaching and know from follow-up evaluations that there is  a durable impact on them, their co-workers, direct reports etc.  including a shift to a more positive approach to conflict.

 

In response to your specific question though, I do not have data  on organizations  being able to shift to a culture of conflict competence as a consequence of conflict coaching alone- at least not yet :). From an organzational development perspective,  I think that such a shift would take a systemic approach (an integrated or informal conflict management system)   - methodically designed -  that includes benchmarks and variables to be able to measure such a shift. As in the usual course, an ICMS includes among other things, a range of easily accessible DR options  and it would be necessary to distinguish what initiatives/ services contribute to  changes in the culture and what the specific changes are. There are certainly some federal government agencies in Canada and the U.S. and other parts of the world that have systems in place though I am not aware that any have measured cultural changes (a shift to a culture of conflict competence) per se.

  
Bryan Hanson said:

 

 

I guess what I hope to discuss and to hear others experiences regarding is the ability to convince those facing conflict to feel comfortable reaching out to experts while their conflict is still at a relatively low level. Educating the public is key, but are there any success stories where people started to offer these services and found a shift in their local community by increasing the overall culture of conflict competence?

 

Permalink Reply by John C. Turley on June 6, 2012 at 4:07pm

Hello Cinnie and Tammy 

 

What attracted you to the book and topic of conflict management coaching?

ANSWER:  I spend most of my time mediating cases.  I am interested in the concept of conflict management to understand how and why people engage in conflict.  Why do they appear before me, particularly when the mediation  sessions usually go smoothly with positive outcomes.  I basically understand based on the CU education, but I find that the experience in the field as a mediator is where I am learning more and maturing.  My mentors have been invaluable.  The people in the field are very smart and wise with varied backgrounds and experiences. 

+ What are you most wanting to learn and gain from our discussions this month? (That is, what will make it really worthwhile for you?)

ANSWER:  I think that my above answer covers this point.  I am hungry to learn more about a growing and fascinating field.

Permalink Reply by Cinnie Noble on June 6, 2012 at 4:39pm

Thank you John for this and please feel free to ask any questions along the way that will help you gain more knowledge  about conflict management coaching.
 
John C. Turley said:

Hello Cinnie and Tammy 

 

What attracted you to the book and topic of conflict management coaching?

ANSWER:  I spend most of my time mediating cases.  I am interested in the concept of conflict management to understand how and why people engage in conflict.  Why do they appear before me, particularly when the mediation  sessions usually go smoothly with positive outcomes.  I basically understand based on the CU education, but I find that the experience in the field as a mediator is where I am learning more and maturing.  My mentors have been invaluable.  The people in the field are very smart and wise with varied backgrounds and experiences. 

+ What are you most wanting to learn and gain from our discussions this month? (That is, what will make it really worthwhile for you?)

ANSWER:  I think that my above answer covers this point.  I am hungry to learn more about a growing and fascinating field.

Permalink Reply by Patty Stiles on June 6, 2012 at 10:29pm

Hi All,

I just wanted to comment on Chapter 1 -- I loved the explanation of the different types of mediation from which the CINERGY model draws; and the explanation about the related neuroscience. I'm familiar with some of the work cited, but now have more books added to my reading list (not sure when that's going to happen!).

Thanks for a wonderful model, book and discussion!

Patty Stiles (Chicago)

  

Permalink Reply by Cinnie Noble on June 7, 2012 at 5:38am

And thank you Patty for joining in. Great as always to hear from you. It's true what you say about book lists. My book list has grown and grown  - especially since learning more and more about neuroscience!
 
Patty Stiles said:

Hi All,

I just wanted to comment on Chapter 1 -- I loved the explanation of the different types of mediation from which the CINERGY model draws; and the explanation about the related neuroscience. I'm familiar with some of the work cited, but now have more books added to my reading list (not sure when that's going to happen!).

Thanks for a wonderful model, book and discussion!

Patty Stiles (Chicago)

  

Permalink Reply by Patty Stiles on June 7, 2012 at 11:59am

I recently re-read the Promise of Mediation, and was really struck at the time by the similarities between transformative mediation and the CINERGY model.  Your very complete integration of the underlying concepts of the "3 pillars" is really brilliant, Cinnie. I really love learning more about the model at a greater depth.  Great job on all of your research, creativity and inspiration in putting it all together in a cohesive model.    

 
Cinnie Noble said:

And thank you Patty for joining in. Great as always to hear from you. It's true what you say about book lists. My book list has grown and grown  - especially since learning more and more about neuroscience!
 
Patty Stiles said:

Hi All,

I just wanted to comment on Chapter 1 -- I loved the explanation of the different types of mediation from which the CINERGY model draws; and the explanation about the related neuroscience. I'm familiar with some of the work cited, but now have more books added to my reading list (not sure when that's going to happen!).

Thanks for a wonderful model, book and discussion!

Patty Stiles (Chicago)

  

Permalink Reply by Cinnie Noble on June 7, 2012 at 3:10pm

Thank you so much Patty. I greatly appreciate your comments.

Transformative mediation principles are certainly inherent in the model as are those from other processes that facilitate self-awareness and self-determination as major precepts.
 
Patty Stiles said:

I recently re-read the Promise of Mediation, and was really struck at the time by the similarities between transformative mediation and the CINERGY model.  Your very complete integration of the underlying concepts of the "3 pillars" is really brilliant, Cinnie. I really love learning more about the model at a greater depth.  Great job on all of your research, creativity and inspiration in putting it all together in a cohesive model.    

 
Cinnie Noble said:

And thank you Patty for joining in. Great as always to hear from you. It's true what you say about book lists. My book list has grown and grown  - especially since learning more and more about neuroscience!
 
Patty Stiles said:

Hi All,

I just wanted to comment on Chapter 1 -- I loved the explanation of the different types of mediation from which the CINERGY model draws; and the explanation about the related neuroscience. I'm familiar with some of the work cited, but now have more books added to my reading list (not sure when that's going to happen!).

Thanks for a wonderful model, book and discussion!

Patty Stiles (Chicago)

  

Permalink Reply by John C. Turley on June 7, 2012 at 5:36pm

I meant metaphysically because I am not sure if some disputants have spent much time on planet earth!  I am neither a judge or lawyer. 

JCT

Tammy Lenski said:

Welcome, John!

I noticed you used the language, "when they appear before me." Are you also an attorney or a judge, in addition to being a mediator?

I ask because I'm interested in your thinking about the potential relationship between conflict coaching and court-associated ADR...not need to answer this last question yet, of course, but I'd love to hear your thoughts on this as the book group progresses.

Tammy

John C. Turley said:

I spend most of my time mediating cases.  I am interested in the concept of conflict management to understand how and why people engage in conflict.  Why do they appear before me, particularly when the mediation  sessions usually go smoothly with positive outcomes.  I basically understand based on the CU education, but I find that the experience in the field as a mediator is where I am learning more and maturing.  My mentors have been invaluable.  The people in the field are very smart and wise with varied backgrounds and experiences. 

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