After our big move, I couldn’t help but notice my nine year-old was having the most difficulty transitioning. Between the “sassy” comebacks and the constant barrage of “no, you can’t make me,” I was pulling my hair out with frustration.

And, I was scratching my head–a lot. What could be prompting this eruption of defiance? Could the move be having such a negative impact on her emotional state? Then, an epiphany.

After a particularly grueling power-struggle between parents and child, I finally asked her if she believed that parents and children are on the same level and, thus, wield the same amount of power.

Guess what? She said, “yes!”

Ah ha! THAT was the problem all along. Somewhere, somehow, from someone, she had come to believe that parents and children are on an equal platform in the home and neither is in charge of the other.

As you can imagine, I put the kibosh on that idea right away and explained family structure. In fact, in therapy, an entire school of therapeutic interventions are centered around creating a healthy family structure–with parents in charge of children, not the other way around.

I’m happy to report that, after that discussion, we haven’t had nearly the negative behaviors we had seen. That’s not to say we won’t experience our fair share of defiance. But, at least when it crops up, she’ll know who’s in charge!

Britt