(Originally posted at Absolution Mediation: the musings of an aspiring mediator)

I have a dog, and she often runs around our fenced in backyard. On the left side of our backyard we have neighbours that have 2 little dogs. My dog loves to hate these dogs. They have never met, they have only looked at each other through the small holes of the wooden fence. It does not matter what my dog is doing in the backyard, when she hears these dogs come out she runs over to the fence with the hair on her back raised and starts growling following the other dogs movements in their respective yard. After watching many interactions like this it finally hit me; We are uncomfortable/scared/fear/judge things that we don’t know.

This is something that goes beyond dogs/animals and enters our own lives. If we do not take the time to get to know a person, a subject, a current event, a decision we will be frightened by it and reluctant to approach it without erecting a fence in front of it. We see it too often in today’s world; Teaching sex-ed to children in schools, the GLBTQ community, religion, and the list goes on and on.

So why are we afraid of things we don’t know? Maybe we don’t understand their worldview, or maybe it makes us uncomfortable to let our guard down, or maybe we don’t feel educated enough. There are many possibilities, but one thing is for sure; we need to tear down those fences.

So how do we begin to tear down the fences of the “unknown” or conflict in general? The first step is being able to identify what the problem is and why YOU feel that way about it. What is it specifically that bothers you (makes you feel uncomfortable)? Why do you feel that way? Is this something that is going to change?

It all begins with some self-awareness. Knowing what you are like, knowing your values, knowing who you want to be. Don’t be afraid of yourself by shying away from these questions, get to know yourself, be comfortable with yourself, embrace who you are. By doing so you will be able to handle conflict better because you will know your relationship with conflict.