Many of us experience inner reactions to another person’s words, actions, attitude or behaviours, but do not let him or her know. Fear of retaliation, encountering some other sort of combative response, becoming more upset and other perceived consequences often keep us from raising our concerns and pre-empting unnecessary friction. And suppressing our feelings does not help as inevitably they erupt somewhere along the road, and may even result in situations that can be even more unsettling. Our physical and emotional health can suffer too.

In most conflict situations, we have a choice as to when and how we respond (as opposed to react) that will short-circuit an unnecessary dispute and contribute to a healthy interaction about what’s happening. These are platinum moments of choice. This week’s blog is about determining that moment when we could choose an effective way to respond before hurt and other negative feelings escalate. It is about proactively managing ourselves and our expected reaction, rather than thinking the situation will improve on its own or just go away!

Please consider a situation that escalated into a dispute that you may have been able to short-circuit early on:

• What was your first indication that something was irritating you? That is, how did you experience the interaction emotionally, cognitively and/or in your body?
• What was it and what (words, attitude, actions, etc.) particularly provoked you?
• What do you suppose the other person’s intent was (based on your interpretation rather than what you know with certainty)?
• How did you react?
• What could you have said or done differently, now that you reflect back?
• At what point could you have chosen to respond differently?
• What got in your way?
• What may you have achieved by proceeding that way?
• What challenges are there in seeing or feeling you have choices in those moments when you are provoked?
• What are you thinking now about ways to identify platinum moments of choice?

What other ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions) may you add?

Originally posted on www.cinergycoaching.com/blog/