Lots of things happen during the course of a dispute that may raise an internal groan in us. It may be because we say something we immediately regret; we hear a truth we hate to face; we observe a look or attitude that is off-putting; we hear the other person’s perspective that is antithetical to our intent or that is hurtful, offensive and so on.

Whether we groan internally or externally it is helpful to listen to the sound of our groans and consider from where they are coming and why. Though it is often the case that the reasons we react are due to the perception that the other person is undermining or threatening or challenging us, it may be that groans are emotional reactions to the fact that we are in a conflict that unsettles us and we are experiencing a range of uncomfortable feelings as a result. Our groans may become so loud in our heads and hearts that the noise interferes with our ability to hear what the other person is saying and meaning. We may begin to build a huge case against him or her and look for things to justify and support our views.

For this week’s blog, consider a dispute in which you have experienced an internal groan to answer these questions:

• How did you experience an internal groan in that situation?
• What did it sound like?
• What brought it on?
• What particularly is it about the other person’s specific action (those words, attitude, etc.) that has the ‘groan’ impact on you?
• How did the groan response change the interaction for you?
• How did it change your impressions about the other person?
• How did it affect you?
• What sorts of things could you say or do to shift your thinking and feeling about what created the groan in you to be able to move ahead?
• Which of those things resonate most as real possibilities to try?
• What sound will you replace the groan to reflect your efforts to move ahead in less ‘groanful’ ways?

What other ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions) may you add here?

Originally posted at www.cinergycoaching.com/blog/