Have you ever written a scathing email to someone with whom you’re involved in a conflict? How about made an angry phone call to vent how hurt you are by the other person’s actions?

Well, I have. And, I almost always regret doing it.

That’s because, in addition to making the other person angry, I’ve sometimes lost entire friendships over my hot-headedness. And, as it turns out, all I needed was a little time and perspective, anyway, to get over my initial hurt feelings. But, for whatever reason, I just couldn’t wait—I simply HAD to let that person know how I felt!

A client of mine came in with a similar dilemma. He was on the cusp of writing a curt email to a professor who had frustrated him all semester. Instead of sending the email, he came in to process his feelings and figure out how to get his point across. And, we decided he would write the email, print it out, and bring it in for me to give him feedback.

I wonder what would happen to conflict if we all just gave ourselves a “second glance”’ at our first reaction. Or, enlisted a friend to help us process our feelings first. I imagine the number and intensity of conflicts would sharply decrease. And, maybe, some friendships would be saved along the way

Britt