It is strange to imagine what we look like when we are in conflict. We don’t get to be a spectator and observe ourselves, though on reflection we may be able to describe our demeanour, the look on our face, or how we acted at these times. Thinking about all this inspired some questions for this week’s blog. I began thinking that an interesting way of examining how we engage in conflict is to consider if we are able to ‘see’ ourselves through someone else’s eyes. This is not only how we look but also, how we act.

The line of inquiry today works well if you think back on a recent dispute and recall the exchange between you and another person. After getting that interchange into your consciousness, I suggest you envision that a close and caring friend, family member, colleague or other special person observed you in that interaction. Here are some related ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions):

• How did you act in that incident that you would be embarrassed about in front of an observer or observers whom you respect?
• How may they (or he or she) describe how you looked?
• What do you think the other person in your dispute experienced about how you looked or acted that was most off-putting for him or her?
• What would your observing friends, etc. be most surprised at about your facial or body language considering how he or she knows you?
• What would the friends, etc. support and applaud about what you said or did?
• What pieces of advice may they (or he or she) suggest as some other way you could have been in that interaction?
• What part of the suggestion(s) do you agree with and why?
• What part of the suggestion(s) does not resonate and why?
• Thinking about it now, what did you see in yourself (characteristic, attitude, body language, etc.) that is not the person you want to be when you are in conflict?
• What words better describe how you want to be and be seen in conflict?
• Which of the above question(s) was or were most meaningful and why?

What other comments about this topic do you have?  Or, what other ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions) may work here in a quest for conflict mastery?

Originally posted on: www.cinergycoaching.com/blog/