Habits we use when it comes to interpersonal conflicts are like other habits that we come to repeat without much thought. They are rote behaviours that reflect what we have learned about how to cope with situations. Conflict habits have to do among other things, with how we manage our emotions when we are provoked. Habits may show up in how we communicate, and how we defend things that are important to us. Some work for us and others do not.

Generally, we do not recognize habits as things we can change. We learned them over time and they have come to feel a part of who we are. However, we have the ability to unlearn our habits and replace them with ones that better serve us and those around us. As with other habits we want to change, the starting point is to acknowledge the one or ones that are counterproductive and focus on how we prefer to be. Here are some questions to help focus on habits and intentions when in conflict:

•  What habits do you have about the ways you manage conflict that you would like to change?
• Choosing one of these, how do you describe this habit in more detail?
• How did you develop this habit?
• How do you want to be and be seen with respect to this habit that is different from how you are now?
• When you make the change to be the way you describe, what do you hope will be different for you?
• How will the change be for other people with whom you are in conflict?
• How badly do you want to change this habit on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being ‘very much’?
• What is the downside of making the change or changes you describe?
• What may be keeping you from beginning to make the change(s) if you want to do so? How come?
• What is one step you can take immediately to make the change you want regarding this habit?

What other comments about this topic and/or what other ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions) may inspire insights about conflict habits?

Originally posted on www.cinergycoaching.com/blog/