My brother recently sent me an article about marriage–and, how studies now show that only three in ten married couples are “happily” married. We’ve all heard that half of all marriages fail, but I never thought much about the marriages that are “on paper only.” Until now, that is.

The article (I’ve put a link below) talks about what those three in ten happy marriages have in common–and, it may surprise you what it is. It’s simple kindness. The researchers studied these couples and found out that, unlike unhappily married couples, those in happy marriages show kindness to each other. For example, say you see something that really excites you–you tell your partner about it, and what does he/she do? Well, the “kind” partner would most likely join in your excitement, ask questions about what happened, and seem genuinely interested. What happens in “unhappily” married couples? You guessed it–the excited partner is ignored, or put-down, or must stand by as his/her partner talks about himself/herself.

The point is this–money, things in common, number of fights–none of this makes or breaks a couple. It’s plain and simple: Kindness.

Now, the real question: Are we born being kind or can it be taught?

Turns out, the “happily” married couples, think kindness is taught, not genetic. They view it as a muscle that needs to be exercised and used, so it becomes second-nature. Who knew?

When it comes to conflict resolution, can kindness have the same effect on the conflict itself? Can behaving in a kind manner actually create consensus as opposed to behaving in an oppositional manner?

I can’t help but think–yes.