Conflict often involves loss … loss of trust, a future together, a friendship, even loss of life.

What got me thinking about this was a colleague’s story about her nephew whose actions behind the wheel resulted in the death of 3 people, including children.

A HUGE LOSS.

And it affects so many people, in addition to the victim’s family, including his own daughter who will likely live without a dad at home for many years. His wife who is facing the future alone. His mother who is now in the role of taking care of a new family instead of entering retirement.

This situation reminded me of a short chapter in the book entitled “Stories Mediators Tell.”  Mediation stories are rarely told due to confidentiality requirements. This book offers insight from seasoned and expert mediators, in the form of stories, about memorable mediations, although not always because they were successful.

As you read through them, you realize that loss is a significant part of what needs to be overcome to move on in many situations. The stories are compelling and can you feel the emotions just reading them. Many made me cry for all of those involved.

One story had to do with a young woman who was bicycling and was killed by a driver who had her own daughter as a passenger. I lent the book to my colleague and suggested that she share it with her family if she felt is was appropriate.

There isn’t a magic wand that can make the loss go away. But from mediations I have experienced and those in the book, one thing I can say for sure is that acknowledging, feeling and living with the emotions surrounding the loss is key.

Because only after that has happened, can a seed be planted and the opportunity to move on be allowed to sprout.

Jeanette