EXPLORING OUR CONFLICT PERCEPTIONS

When other people provoke us, our perceptions of what is happening sometimes tends to be distorted. Typically, the more egregious the exchange and the angrier we become, the more negative our perspectives are. It seems that once we are irritated by another person and especially if our feelings grow with repeated interactions, it is challenging to disabuse ourselves of the assumptions about the other person and his or her motives. What also happens in many cases is that we get stuck in our positions and don’t listen to the other person. In those cases, we do not tend to gain clarity about what is going on with him or her. We do that and the other person does that, limiting the possibilities for reconciling our differences.

Since we likely develop our perceptions about our conflictual interactions from historical experiences with the other person or the same sort of interactions with others, it helps to explore these further. Here, when answering today’s questions, please consider an unresolved disagreement that continues to brew:

What is your perception about the other person’s part in a recent conflict (or the last one you recall)?
Why do you suppose he or she did or said that?
What part of your perception about the other person may not be an absolutely accurate description of what is going on?
What may the other person’s perception be of the situation and your part in it?
Considering your answers to the above questions, what part of the other person’s possible perception of you in that situation do you agree with?
What reasons may he or she attribute to you for your actions?
Which part are you likely to disagree with?
What part of your sense of what is going on between you two is causing you the most upset, angst, concern, etc. right now?
What do you want to have happen to change things in this situation?
What could you do or say for that to occur?