Don’t Care for Me – Part 3

This topic is so important, I decided to devote three posts to it. How do you overcome resistance to caregiving? Click here for Parts 1 and 2.

Explain your needs – You get so wrapped up in the needs of your loved one, remember you have needs to. Gently remind him/her that you worry about their {insert or concern here} and that causes stress for you. Share how you are impacted, whether it be finances, time etc. Explain how you may both have to compromise on some issues.
Pick you battles – This is the same advice that you are given for your kids, co-workers etc. Don’t go to war over the little things. It’s simply not worth the fight. Keep the big picture in perspective. This approach can also give your loved one a feeling that he/she isn’t always ‘losing.’
Describe how some care now may help prolong independence – If it’s not an all or nothing type situation, it might be helpful to explain that some help with certain things can maintain the overall status quo. For example, a person can still stay in her/her home if he/she can’t drive to get groceries anymore. It doesn’t mean that they can’t cook or keep a house clean.
Help to cope with the loss of independence – This may be a tough once and you might need some help. Determine what’s important to the person and try to figure out ways to keep that activity in his/her life. Is it socializing with friends? Getting out of the house? Enjoying nature?
Don’t lose hope – You may not succeed the first time with the tips above. Try again and consider a different approach. Listen for the objections and try to address them to the extend you can.
When all else fails, enlist help – Who does the person trust? Are they willing to join your conversation? There are lots of professionals out there who have more experience with this than we do. Perhaps a doctor, member of the clergy or geriatric care manager can help. Choosing the right messenger can make all of the difference.