How many times has someone told you the keys to effective communication? How many are there–5, 10, 20? Sometimes, it’s hard to keep them all straight.

So, with the help of Michael S. Broder, Ph.D, who wrote about this in the Huffington Post, I’ve condensed the keys to effective communication to just three. Read on!

1. Give Feedback — When you give feedback, be as specific as possible. The most effective feedback is given in a constructive manner, instead of in such a way as to cause your partner to react defensively. It’s based on observations–not judgment. For example, the difference between saying, “I don’t like you when you’re angry” and, “I don’t like the way I feel [or it feels] when you are hostile toward me” is huge. The first is an attack on your partner; the second is an expression of your own feelings.

• Communicate Assertively — That is where your feelings are expressed in words, but without threatening, putting down, or overpowering your partner. It’s particularly important not only to share, but to take responsibility for your feelings. When communicating assertively, make “I” statements. Instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” try saying, “I wish that you were more responsive when I talk to you about things that are important to me.”

• Fact or Feeling — While feelings are not absolute facts; they do factually describe what’s going on inside you or your partner. Our feelings are our own realities. By acknowledging and reacting sensitively to your partner’s feelings, you have the power to make a dramatic shift in the emotional climate that exists between the two of you. Acknowledging your partner’s feelings is not to be confused with giving in.

If you’re like me, too much information can feel overwhelming. So, keep these three communication tips in mind, and keep it simple!

Britt