When emotions prevail during interpersonal conflict, many of us cannot easily think ahead to what we want as an outcome. If we acknowledge that possibility, we may do some preparatory work before we initiate a potentially conflictual discussion or get caught up in the middle of one. If we engage in some preliminary reflections, our actions and words will more likely be aligned with our objective. Otherwise, the likelihood of chaotic thinking and feelings is high and we end up conducting ourselves in ways that are unproductive and inconsistent with what we want to have happen.

These ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions) are about the situations when we are not clear about or have not thought out the outcome we desire. It makes sense to request some time before conversing to be able to get our emotions and thoughts in perspective at these times, to regain our equilibrium. When considering the following questions, please think of a dispute you had when you lost clarity of what you wanted as an outcome:

• Now that you look back on the conflict, what outcome did you want?
• At what point in the dispute were you not clear about what you wanted as an outcome (i.e. before it erupted, when it began, during the conflict, after, other)?
• What was the first sign for you that your emotions were clouding your ability to think out what you wanted to have happen?
• What emotion(s) were you experiencing at that time?
• At what point do you think you may you have been able to regain a sense of equilibrium and clarity?
• What do you suppose got in the way of that happening?
• In what ways were the resulting outcomes close to and far off from what you hoped for?
• What worked well about the eventual outcome in any case?
• What didn’t work so well about the outcome?
• What did you learn about what you could do next time you are in an interpersonal conflict?

Please feel free to add any other comments about this topic and/or what other ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions) may work here.

Originally posted on www.cinergycoaching.com/blog/