I’ve started doing something in my therapy room that (I hope) has been helpful to many of my clients. And, now that I think about it, it may be helpful for pretty much anyone involved in a conflict.

I start by asking the client to write a letter to himself (or herself) from his dearest friend…someone who has his best interest in mind and someone who supports them unconditionally. So, for example, if a client has an ongoing conflict with his spouse, I would suggest the client write a letter to himself outlining what his best friend might say and what advice he might give.

Then, comes the hard part.

When the client brings in the letter, I, then, ask him to go through the letter and think of a counter-argument for all the points his “best friend” gave in the letter. It becomes a way for the client to gain some insight into why he does or doesn’t agree with his “best friend.” Often, clients know what they “should” do. But, they run into all sorts of reasons why they shouldn’t take the action they “know” they should take.

It got me thinking, though. Before facing a conflict, why can’t we all take a moment to reflect on the other person’s point of view? Could we come up with arguments against ourselves? Would this be helpful in gaining insight into the other person’s argument?

I happen to think-yes.

So, I’m going to try it. Next time I face a conflict, I’m going to create an argument against myself and see where that takes me!

Britt