When you are in conflict, it’s pretty easy to blame a lot on the other person. If only he/she would ___________ (fill in the blank to personalize).

Yet conflicts have a lot to do with us and our contribution to them.

What do I mean?

When things have broken down with another person, here are 6 questions to ask ourselves to figure out if it’s worthwhile to attempt a collaborative conversation with him/her.

As you read through them, you will see what I mean about your part – not only in the past conflict, but in the future resolution as well.

If your conflict isn’t resolved, will there be irreparable damage to your relationship?

The more important the relationship, the more you will want to try.

Is the other person willing to have a conversation with you?

Hopefully. Sometimes a little time can help.

Do you think that this issue can be resolved?

Great question to ask yourself. Are you willing to try?

Are YOU prepared to listen and consider alternatives that YOU might consider unfavorable to YOU?

This one is really important. Resolution is not all about what you want!

Do YOU have the power to make changes if you agree to them?

If this is a personal conflict, the answer is likely yes. What about if it’s in a workplace? Do you have authority to follow through on an agreement?

Are YOU willing to take personal responsibility for YOUR behavior and contribution to the conflict?

This one requires introspection. See what I mean about acknowledging your part in the conflict?

So, if you answer yes to all 6 questions, give that conversation a try … and perhaps you can avoid a rumble.

Jeanette

P.S. Thanks to my colleague Pattie Porter. These questions are adapted from her Minibük “Stop the Dreaded Drama: 55 Tips for Ending Destructive Conflict“