Forgiving is complex. Among other things, forgiveness means being able to move on and not continue to hold on to the hurt and pain from a situation. Some people expect that once they apologize for something they said or did that they are forgiven. It’s not that easy. There are many layers to forgiveness, including how deep the hurt, the nature of the deed or words that hurt us, who asks for forgiveness and how forgiveness is requested. When we seem to be unable to forgive, we may not be ready to let go of certain emotions about the other person or the situation. Maybe, we are not or willing to do so because the other person’s actions are so egregious. Maybe, we haven’t forgiven ourselves for something. These and other reasons preclude our willingness, ability and readiness to forgive.

In a future blog, I’ll talk more about the perspective of the person asking for forgiveness. Today’s ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions) are for people who are not forgiving someone for something said or done in an interpersonal dispute. Consider a situation in which this applies to you and see if some or all of these questions are helpful:

• What specifically is it that you are not forgiving?
• What is making it difficult for you to forgive?
• What impact is not forgiving having on you?
• What impact is not forgiving having on the other person?
• Forgiving may not be what you want to do. If that’s what is happening for you, why do you think that may be the case?
• How would life be different if you forgive the other person?
• What may you lose and what may you gain if you do?
• What may you lose or gain if you do not forgive him or her?
• What do you suppose has to happen for you to be ready to forgive the other person, if you want to?
• What has to happen for you to be willing to forgive him or her, if you want to?
• What has to happen for you to be able to forgive him or her, if you want to?

If you have other comments about this topic and other questions to add, please do so.

Originally posted on www.cinergycoaching.com/blog/