I love seeing interviews with long-time married couples. They’re always so honest. For example, you won’t much hear about a 60 year-marriage that was total bliss or total despair. Instead, you’ll often hear stories about ups-and-d0wns, ebbs-and-flows, and peaks-and-valleys.

In fact, most couples who have been together for decades can talk about entire weeks/months/years during which questioned if the relationship would work out at all. But, here they are, decades later,…

Some phrases just have a great ring to them.

“Collective Intelligence” is one of those.

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We don’t travel our paths alone.

Sometimes we might think that it would be better if everyone agreed with us, shared our opinions and simply followed our lead … right?

But that’s just not the way it works.

It’s our diversity that defines our individuality.

If we don’t incorporate the ideas of…

Being a journalist-turned-therapist, “WHY” is one of my all-time favorite questions. It’s the fastest way to get to the heart of the matter, and it makes people think about their motivations, their feelings, and their concerns all at once.

But, I’ve also learned the downside of “WHY” and discovered that prodding too deeply into someone’s motivations may actually hinder progress, especially at the mediation table.

At a certain point, finding out WHY someone did something…

I can vouch for this from my own experience from mediations.

When parties in a mediation see the “humanness” in another person, they are often open to appreciating them on a different level … which can open the door to developing compassion and perhaps a change in their own attitude.

Often, accessing the humanity underneath each others’ hard exteriors can be a real challenge.

It takes work. Sometimes it’s just easier to characterize each other…

Even if you HATE apologizing (like I do),  “I’m sorry” are two of the most important words you’ll ever say. Or are they?

Turns out, it’s HOW you say, “I’m sorry” that matters, not the words themselves. I mean, how many times have you heard, “I’m sorry you feel that way” or “I’m sorry you don’t understand.” And my personal favorite, “I’m sorry you can’t take a joke.”

Those “pseudo” apologies don’t count.…

Have you ever heard of a term called “group think?”

“Group think” happens when a group thinks or makes decisions in a way that discourages creativity and dissenting viewpoints.

Now .. that’s an innovation killer. Groups members flow with the group and alternative ideas are lost in the process.

So … how do we encourage innovation, stretch participants beyond their comfort zones and tap into collective wisdom in the process?

New pathways…

As many of you know, I’ve been (unsuccessfully) trying to become a decent tennis player, and now the moment has come when I know all hope is lost: My 12 year-old can play me under the table.

Despite this, I decided she and I would “team up” and play doubles against two friends of mine who are about our level. And, all was going well – until I messed up a few times. Well, this upset my daughter to the point that she mumbled, “I didn’t want you on my team in the first place.”…

Have you ever been part of a group that was clicking? Getting things done? Proud of its accomplishments?

What’s working for that group to be so engaged?

Engagement is definitely more than just enlisting followers or convincing people to join your cause.  You can tell if this has happened with a group. Participants are just there to see what everyone else is up to … not to be active, full time participants.

How do you invigorate engagement in…

Several years ago, I had the good fortune to work with a skilled facilitator at a strategic planning retreat for a local non-profit. I was her Vanna White, so I was able to sit back and observe.

The first thing agenda item with this group was a visioning exercise. And it was great fun.

My…

When we lived in Reno, (then) UNR quarterback Colin Kaepernick was all the rage – the man was an amazing athlete, and his personal story was just as compelling as his skill. Adopted at a young age to a couple who lost two sons to heart defects, he seemed humble and hard-working, kind and generous to fans.

Fast-forward a few years, and he’s now the starting QB for the San Francisco 49ers. Which seems like a storybook ending to his journey. Except, now, he’s in the news for an…

As a “glass half-full” kind of gal, I’d LIKE to think that we all have the instinct to resolve conflict. I’d like to believe we WANT to resolve conflict because that’s what’s best for society, our family, and our livelihood.

But, alas, I’m wrong.

At least, that’s according to Deborah Wilhelm, a counselor from Waukegan School District 60 in Chicago. John Flink from the Chicago Tribune wrote an article about Wilhelm and her work with schools in Chicago:

According…

A colleague asked me at a cocktail party, “What do I get out of writing my blog?” and I thought that’s a great question.

Every week, I come up with another idea to write about and I do it for free. Sometimes, the thoughts just flow – and other times … not so much.

So, what keeps me writing after 3 ½…

When I was taking my Divorce Mediation coursework, I had a hard time relating to the lessons about pets and divorce. You see, at the time, I wasn’t a pet owner, and I had difficulty understanding how someone can become so wrought with anxiety over the fate of a family pet.

But, now that our beloved, “Nacho,” has come into our home, I completely understand.

For many pet owners, the family pet or pets are members of the family, on a lesser-scale than…

What happens inside your brain when someone gives you feedback?

Do you cringe and wait for the criticism? Do you feel inferior to the person who is doling their comments to you? Do your defenses kick into overdrive? Do you freeze and just shut down?

Based on your answers, you may not be surprised that people who receive feedback apply it only 30% of the time, according to neuroscientist Kevin Ochsner.  That’s a pretty low percentage.

So how…

Funny those things from your childhood that you remember.

My mom always said that “friend’ was an overused word in the English language. It turns out that she may be right.

An interesting headline in the New York Times caught my eye recently – Do Your Friends Actually Like You?…

You are what you eat, right?

But, what about conflict? Is it possible that we “ingest” conflict much like we ingest food? And, if that’s the case, how much is too much conflict to “eat”?

I ask these questions because I’ve noticed a disturbing trend in my own home: There seems to be a direct correlation between what my children watch on TV and how much conflict we experience in the home.

More specifically, when my children watch shows that portray “sassy”…

I just love Ms. Jonas, the English teacher at ACE Charter High School in Reno. She is an innovator who teaches job related scenarios and skills needed to address them.

Ms. Jonas uses a technique called “Quickwrite.” Each week, she gives the students a word and asks them to write…

Turns out, non-verbal communication (actions, not words) can play a lead role in resolving conflict. Margaret Paul, PhD, who authored an article for The Huffington Post, calls this type of communication-in-confict “loving actions.” Read-on to learn more:…

I happened across the teachings of a Vietnamese monk recently as part of an online search of something entirely unrelated. Fortunately, I had a few moments to light on that page and I found a question.

I think it might be a pearl. Something you are so lucky to find … and it’s so very simple.

Thich Nhat Hanh believes that we should ask our loved ones closest and dearest to us one very straight forward question – and then stop to really…

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about my new “multi-generational” tennis class and the fantastic people I’ve met there. Well, one of those just happens to be my age (which is kind of a shocker), and, recently, she’s been dealing with ending her marriage.

I wish I could say it was her decision to end the marriage and that she felt really good about it. But, that’s not the case. It’s been ugly, difficult, and confusing – and, she’s been through an awful lot of introspection and…