Caregiving is such a challenge. Most of us aren’t trained in how to do it and yet we are called upon to be caregivers — sometimes for someone recovering from an accident or illness or perhaps for an elderly parent.

We want to offer a helping hand, yet often we are met with resistance to care. Why is that?

This two-part series will delve into what I have learned about the delicate balance between promoting cooperation with someone you are caring despite his/her…

After our big move, I couldn’t help but notice my nine year-old was having the most difficulty transitioning. Between the “sassy” comebacks and the constant barrage of “no, you can’t make me,” I was pulling my hair out with frustration.

And, I was scratching my head–a lot. What could be prompting this eruption of defiance? Could the move be having such a negative impact on her emotional state?…

So, as many of you know by now, I’ve recently moved back to Hawaii with my family after spending seven years on the mainland.

And, frankly, we couldn’t be happier with our decision. But, just 13 days in, I’m experiencing the culture shock I remember having when I first moved to Hawaii at 23 years old.

In short, people here aren’t really into…

I have a confession. My mom and I don’t always see eye to eye. Sometimes we argue about whatever it is. An occasionally, we fight about it.

The other day, I was backing out of her driveway after a really nice visit and I thought to myself … when things get rough with mom,what can I do to make it feel more like this time?

And…

My husband and I have made a lot of mistakes in our parenting career, but we’ve been pretty consistent about one rule: No fighting in front of the kids.

So, I couldn’t be more surprised to read the latest research which turns the traditional wisdom on its head.

Turns out, fighting in front of your kids isn’t bad at all. In fact, it’s a GOOD idea to fight in front of them. BUT (and this is a big one), only if you also resolve your conflict in front of…

So, you’ve figured out that being together isn’t in your future anymore and it’s time to undo your relationship. That can be complicated.

Your first phone might be to a lawyer and that could be the best way to proceed.

However, if you think it’s at all possible to be cooperative rather than competitive, consider picking up a couple of books about divorce mediation.

Mediating Divorce: A Client’s…

I just finished a fascinating book called “Nurtureshock,” by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman, and it really opened my eyes about how children interpret all of these things we parents do/say/model. One of the most interesting chapters had to do with conflict (so you know my eyes perked right up!)

Turns out, our preconceived notion that fighting with your child is bad for your relationship is totally wrong. In fact, according to the authors, the opposite is…

‘Labeling’ is a tool that we humans use to grapple with the complexities of life and the environments we are subject to.

In a lot of ways, it’s a good thing – it’s a cognitive ability that helps us to survive by understanding our world and quickly making sense of what’s coming our way.  Is this situation friendly or harmful?

We label…

One thing that seems universal is how unpredictable life can be. One minute, the path forward seems clear. The next, you find yourself navigating an unexpected detour.

That’s where the idea of “margins” can be helpful. If your margin of error is wide enough, you can account for life’s unexpected detours and have enough room to “correct” your course. If your margin of error is narrow, the smallest unexpected turn of events can throw everything off course.…

… and your little dog too.

What a classic line from a wonderful movie. It scares me a little, every time I hear it. Doesn’t it just ooze with hatred and revenge?

What got me to thinking about all of this?

Well, last Friday was the first in a series of deadlines at the Nevada Legislature – a very important day when most bills move forward and some die.

I was in the building late in the afternoon and walked passed several conversations in the halls. Some…

We live in a pretty black-and-white world sometimes, and I’m always struggling to teach my clients how to live in the “grey” area. But, when it comes to problems, I will often use black-and-white thinking to help my clients come up with solutions.That’s where “unsolvable” vs. “solvable” thinking comes in handy. And, it’s a handy tool to use when talking about conflict resolution, too.…

What does it take to have a healthy relationship?

Research done by relationship expert, John Gottman, indicates that a healthy relationship has a balance between positive and negative feelings between you and the other person. Please note that negative feelings are natural. They just have to be outweighed by positive ones. So, what’s the magic ratio?

According to Professor Gottman, it’s 5 to 1.

So, for every 1 negative…

A concept I often bring up in couples therapy is the idea of “perpetual conflicts.” These are those pesky arguments that seem to resurface over and over again–without much progress toward resolving them.When people get “stuck” in these perpetual conflicts, I often have them draw one big circle with a small circle inside. The inside circle is filled with “non-negotiables”–things that person WON’T budge on. Keep in mind, this is a very small circle!…

One of my colleagues is a ‘communication’ consultant. I love talking with her about conflict resolution because communication is so fundamental to resolving our differences, right?

The last time that she and I had the chance to visit, she told me about the National Communication Association’s…

I’ve come across a common theme when dealing with clients and their anger. And, it’s something we all should have learned as two year-olds.

I’ve learned that an outstanding majority of use “show” our anger instead of “telling” our anger. And, to be truthful, the distinction between the two often causes a lot of problems that end up showing up in my therapy room.…

Now this is an amazing statistic. According to some research done 20 years ago (by the Williams Group), 70% of families will lose some of their inherited wealth to (mostly) estate battles.

In fact, sometimes, more money is funneled to the lawyers than is even there to inherit in the first place!

Seems crazy, doesn’t it?…

“Pinhole Thinking” … this is one of my favorite new phrases.

What do you see when you look through a pinhole – not much. That’s exactly my point.

“We can’t solve problem by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created it.” Thank-you Albert Einstein for those words of wisdom.

And that’s exactly what happens when people use “pinhole thinking” to try to figure something out.

It’s the same old approach – the same…

Did you know that that a recent survey uncovered that conflict avoidance was one of the “Seven Deadly Sins that CEOs won’t admit,” according to the Huffington Post.What? CEO’s are scared of conflict? Then, what hope do the rest of us have?

According to the article, “Why Avoiding Conflict…

Sometimes ideas for blog posts come from the most unlikely places … not from experts in the field, but from every day life.

I suppose the ideal situation for people in conflict is to make an appointment with a mediator, gather around the table, look for common ground and hopefully come to a resolution.

But hey … that happens in very few cases, really. Most of the time, conflict happens and we have to figure a way out of it, or else we are trapped in…