OK, I have a confession to make … I am a “but” head. I use the word “but” way too often in my conversations so trying to eliminate it from my vocabulary is my resolution for this new year.

Why is “BUT” a bad word??

“But” is one of those words that immediately causes the hair on your neck to bristle. It’s a cliff to something…

Merry Christmas!

Yes, the holidays are notorious for CREATING conflict (think family get-togethers, financial stress, and unrealistic expectations), but, this year, I thought it would be a good idea to focus on how the holidays can actually RESOLVE the past year’s conflicts.

1. Attitude Change: What better time of year than the holidays for an attitude change.…

It’s the first Christmas of World War I. The year is 1914 – 100 years ago.

Here is how British soldier Frank Richards described it:

On Christmas morning we stuck up a board with “Merry Christmas” on it. The enemy has stuck up a similar one … Two of our men then threw their equipment off and jumped on the parapet with…

So, you may be wondering about the title of this post–who the heck is Rapoport and what is his intervention?

Well, let me tell you!

Anatol Rapoport was an early 20th century mathematical psychologist who came up with the idea that, during conflict, people will see the other party as dis-similar to them and tend to see themselves as having all the positive history, traits, and qualities. At the same time, people will see the other person as having…

NEWS FLASH … the difference between success and failure can sometimes be just a tiny shift in how we do things. Here’s my recent experience.

I am on a panel of custody mediators at the Second Judicial District Court. When I was first appointed to the panel, the mediation program administrator would reach out to me, on a case-by-case basis, and ask whether I was available on a particular day and time to conduct a mediation.

I would open my e-mail…

 recently picked up quite a handy piece of advice, and I wanted to pass it on. It’s called “Yes, No, and I’ll Think About It.” And, I’m pretty sure it’s gonna make my job (and yours) as a mediator a LOT easier!

All of us have probably been in mediations (or, at least, heard about mediations) where the parties can’t make a decision. Or, they make a decision and go on and on and on about WHY he/she has made the decision.

So, here’s a handy tip if you…

Having a very sick child is stressful on so many levels. I have watched friends go through this with their little ones. What a helpless feeling … full of fear … wanting to do anything and everything so that your child gets better.

Add to that the strain of having to make decisions for your child’s care and it all becomes a pressure cooker for conflict.

Here is how one parent described it:

“It’s horrific to sit and watch your child deteriorating and you feel…

So, I’m reading a new book about the “science” behind marriage, and one very interesting chapter talked a lot about “rhythm.” Specifically, the author was describing how we all fall into a “rhythm” in our relationships, which keep many conflicts at bay. She also talked about how even communities have a certain “rhythm” which keeps its citizens in homeostasis.

You may know what I’m talking about. If you’ve ever been in a long-term relationship. you may have…

Oh my gosh. I just did this the other day. I tuned out the world.

Why? Because I thought I was right. Why take in any more input? I had already made up my mind.

My attitude was ‘don’t bother me … I’m not listening.’

Well, it turns out that this can be a very shortsighted approach.

Appreciating the…