Jumping to conclusions can easily cause or perpetuate a conflict situation. This idiom – jumping to conclusions – refers to a tendency to assume something as negative when there is not necessarily a reason to do so. Conclusions may be about another person’s character, motives, attitude, and rationale. This sort of thinking may come from the habitual inclination to think the worst, to not trust ourselves or others, to let our insecurities and fears take over, and so on.

There are…

After a conflict is ostensibly over, we often forget what the other person said. It may be that is was inconsequential to us and so, we dismiss it. We may not retain what was said due to the need to move on and to put things behind us. We may have blocked it because it was unbelievable, too painful to hear, too bizarre according to our version of the events, or it felt blameful and retaliatory and not something we want to remember. It may be the case that our voice took up the air space and…

Interpersonal disputes are multi-layered and an onion is an apt metaphor to describe the many dimensions of conflict. An onion also reflects the many layers of the other person and of us. Our hearts and brains, our spiritual being, our bodies are all parts of us that are effected when we are in conflict. Each layer adds to the mystery and confusion conflict creates inside us.

Though we may come to our disputes with historical experiences that have built on one another, each new…

One of the things that happens when we are masterful in conflict is we not only listen carefully and thoughtfully to what is being said and felt. We are also willing to be curious and hear what is going on inside us and inside the other person. The more emotional we become, the more difficult that is, of course. The thing is, that without curiosity we make and react to our assumptions and let our emotions prevail. Often conflict then evolves because our imaginations take over. Without…

As soon as we begin to react to someone who provokes us there are options about how to proceed. One of those is to give the person the benefit of the doubt. This expression apparently refers to the legal phrase “reasonable doubt” first documented in the 18th Century English law. The phrase was accepted as the degree of doubt required to acquit a criminal defendant and was defined in terms of moral certainty. In the 20th Century “reasonable doubt” was given constitutional status in the U.S.…