In my latest blog post, available here, I revisit my previous post, in which I told about a fight I had with a friend. In this post I discuss how the transformative theory of conflict provides helpful insight into what happened. 

When I practiced law, the conventional wisdom among the lawyers I knew was that when people say "it's not about the money", it's actually about the money.  Or if it IS a matter of principle, then our job as lawyers was to let them know that their principles would not be vindicated by the legal system, but that maybe we could get them some money.  Since I've become a transformative mediator, I now assume that conflicts are about our desire for autonomy and our expectations about how our…