I’ve always liked numbers. They seem certain and definite, and we all have “associated” feelings with them. For example, if a waiter asked you which spicy rating you would like your vindaloo, you might say a “3” if you don’t want it that spicy or tell him “9” if you’re ready to have your mouth on fire.

So, I’ve learned how to use numbers to my advantage when it comes to feelings, reactions, and conflict. More specifically, I’ve found that asking my clients to “scale” different…

I remember when kids were taught about the importance of wearing seatbelts or the dangers of smoking; they passed that information along to adults in their lives. “Grandma, please don’t smoke” or “Daddy, don’t forget to buckle-up.” The modern day version is not texting while driving – even when stopped at a light.

Along the same lines, I think we should spend more time teaching kids about problem solving so they can remind us when we get off track and don’t…

When is the last time you REALLY wanted to “go off” on someone? Today? Yesterday? Last week? If you have children, a crummy boss, or a problematic family member, that moment probably comes at regular intervals.

Yet, what I find truly amazing is that many of us (not all of us, of course) are able to control that urge to really let loose and shout, scream, kick, yell, fight, etc. We understand that the consequences far outweigh the benefits of creating a large-scale…

Conflict often involves loss … loss of trust, a future together, a friendship, even loss of life.

What got me thinking about this was a colleague’s story about her nephew whose actions behind the wheel resulted in the death of 3 people, including children.

A HUGE LOSS.

And it affects so many people, in addition to the victim’s family, including his own daughter who will likely live without a dad at home for many years. His wife who is facing…

Pattie Porter thinks about conflict resolution every day, just like I do.

I enjoyed reading her second Minibük, “Stop Avoiding Conflict“on the plane a few weeks ago.

Here…

At the end of March, I wrote a post about what to DO when your adult children get divorced. So, I’m here to follow-up with what NOT to do. Here’s the list, courtesy of Leslie Mann from the Chicago Tribune:

Dont’t:

• Be surprised if your child regresses to the moody, angry teen you thought you’d never see again. Don’t take it personally; he’s mad at the rest of the world now too.
• Join your child’s meetings with mediators and lawyers unless they invite…

ANGER – we sure are seeing a lot of it these days – just turn on the TV for a few minutes. What does it all mean?

Emotions are like colors.

There are primary colors – blue, red and yellow.

Secondary colors (purple, green and orange) exist only because the primary ones exist.

The same holds for emotions.

Fear, sadness and happiness are primary emotions. They are the ones that we feel first, in response to a situation.  They are…