My husband and I have made a lot of mistakes in our parenting career, but we’ve been pretty consistent about one rule: No fighting in front of the kids.

So, I couldn’t be more surprised to read the latest research which turns the traditional wisdom on its head.

Turns out, fighting in front of your kids isn’t bad at all. In fact, it’s a GOOD idea to fight in front of them. BUT (and this is a big one), only if you also resolve your conflict in front of…

So, you’ve figured out that being together isn’t in your future anymore and it’s time to undo your relationship. That can be complicated.

Your first phone might be to a lawyer and that could be the best way to proceed.

However, if you think it’s at all possible to be cooperative rather than competitive, consider picking up a couple of books about divorce mediation.

Mediating Divorce: A Client’s…

I just finished a fascinating book called “Nurtureshock,” by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman, and it really opened my eyes about how children interpret all of these things we parents do/say/model. One of the most interesting chapters had to do with conflict (so you know my eyes perked right up!)

Turns out, our preconceived notion that fighting with your child is bad for your relationship is totally wrong. In fact, according to the authors, the opposite is…

‘Labeling’ is a tool that we humans use to grapple with the complexities of life and the environments we are subject to.

In a lot of ways, it’s a good thing – it’s a cognitive ability that helps us to survive by understanding our world and quickly making sense of what’s coming our way.  Is this situation friendly or harmful?

We label…

One thing that seems universal is how unpredictable life can be. One minute, the path forward seems clear. The next, you find yourself navigating an unexpected detour.

That’s where the idea of “margins” can be helpful. If your margin of error is wide enough, you can account for life’s unexpected detours and have enough room to “correct” your course. If your margin of error is narrow, the smallest unexpected turn of events can throw everything off course.…

… and your little dog too.

What a classic line from a wonderful movie. It scares me a little, every time I hear it. Doesn’t it just ooze with hatred and revenge?

What got me to thinking about all of this?

Well, last Friday was the first in a series of deadlines at the Nevada Legislature – a very important day when most bills move forward and some die.

I was in the building late in the afternoon and walked passed several conversations in the halls. Some…

We live in a pretty black-and-white world sometimes, and I’m always struggling to teach my clients how to live in the “grey” area. But, when it comes to problems, I will often use black-and-white thinking to help my clients come up with solutions.That’s where “unsolvable” vs. “solvable” thinking comes in handy. And, it’s a handy tool to use when talking about conflict resolution, too.…

What does it take to have a healthy relationship?

Research done by relationship expert, John Gottman, indicates that a healthy relationship has a balance between positive and negative feelings between you and the other person. Please note that negative feelings are natural. They just have to be outweighed by positive ones. So, what’s the magic ratio?

According to Professor Gottman, it’s 5 to 1.

So, for every 1 negative…

A concept I often bring up in couples therapy is the idea of “perpetual conflicts.” These are those pesky arguments that seem to resurface over and over again–without much progress toward resolving them.When people get “stuck” in these perpetual conflicts, I often have them draw one big circle with a small circle inside. The inside circle is filled with “non-negotiables”–things that person WON’T budge on. Keep in mind, this is a very small circle!…