It is strange to imagine what we look like when we are in conflict. We don’t get to be a spectator and observe ourselves, though on reflection we may be able to describe our demeanour, the look on our face, or how we acted at these times. Thinking about all this inspired some questions for this week’s blog. I began thinking that an interesting way of examining how we engage in conflict is to consider if we are able to ‘see’ ourselves through someone else’s eyes. This is not only how we look…

There are a lot of resolutions going around at this time of year, there is also a lot of reflection and learning happening as well.  This year has been an awesome (and I don't use that word lightly!) and many, many things have happened. Some extremely joyful, others extremely sad...either way they have stretched me, taught me new things, and made me a better person. Here is a quick snapshot (in no specific order): My son turned 1, grew a business, quit my day-job, wife returned to work, my…

I invite everyone to listen to a recent segment I participated in on Nicole Dyer's radio show on ABC Gold Coast radio.  I discuss the importance of nonverbal communication in various settings including mediations and negotiations.  This includes how important rapport is and specific nonverbal gestures that are associated with…

Sowing the Seeds of Collaborative…

Conflict mastery is not only about engaging effectively in a conflict once it has evolved. It also entails picking up ‘vibrations’ that may signal dissension with or from another person and addressing the dynamic at the time. It is a matter of being proactive and preventing unnecessary conflict or facilitating positive conflict. Picking up conflict ‘vibes’ may not result in a specific discussion with the other person. It may be a matter of beginning to notice things that seem to be igniting…

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We all have conflict in our lives...some more complex than others. So, what if you "got conflict?" Sometimes, we are so entrenched in our problem that we lose sight and it feels too complicated to figure out or we solve the wrong problem. Stephen Kotev, my guest…

(First published in dialogicmediation.com)

As Rick Weiler notes in a December 22 post on the Kluwer Mediation Blog, the issue of mediation confidentiality "arises before the Courts from time to time and we are fortunate to have the recent,…

First published in dialogicmediation.com

In transformative mediation circles, we often speak of 'listening like a cow'.  (See my two previous posts on this quality of attention here and here.)  In brief, this simile is…

(Originally posted at Social Medi8r.com)

This week I had the privilege of interviewing John Morgan, the author of the book, "Brand Against the Machine".  There is so much…

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"For December, we have chosen some of our favorite past shows to support you through the holiday season. Enjoy!"

Victoria Pynchon’s new book is an adult primer on the difficult art of resolving, transforming or…

Developing one's voice as a mediator can be tricky business. Our personality, empathy, and humor should shine through with our clients...accompanied by a soupcon of acting.  Maintaining neutrality, suppressing your political/religious/personal views, and poker-facing the bizarre can…

The Ombuds Year in Review: 2011…

Around the holidays, we all promise ourselves things such as self-improvement and behavioral changing. For the past few years, I’ve been promising myself a simple promise: To find something fun, which I really enjoy doing – and to take it very seriously.

I haven’t been successful with this. And, I’m not too hard on myself – I really like my day job that much.  Still, my recurring failure does leave me envious of people who are dead serious about the things they do for…

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• On Saturday, the Sunni-backed bloc suspended its participation in Iraq’s Parliament after accusing PM al-Maliki’s Shi’ite led government of concentrating power. On Sunday, the last of the US combat troops in Iraq crossed the border into Kuwait after nearly nine years of war, and…

Folks, I’d like to reflect on the amazing, whirlwind year that’s coming to a close.  We officially became the New York Peace Institute this year, building upon three decades as a Safe…

• The trial of Breanna (nee Bradley) Manning, the soldier allegedly responsible for leaking hundreds of thousands of secret state documents to WikiLeaks began this week in the United States. Manning is charged with 23 counts, including…

One of the things that happens after interpersonal conflict is that some of us bear a grudge. We continue to hold onto negative feelings about the other person and may do so for a protracted period of time. We may show this by ignoring the person, or making derogatory remarks about him or her, directly or indirectly. Or, we may retaliate in different ways. Bearing grudges may be a way of coping, but we usually recognize it also contributes to ongoing dissension.

Some of us…