Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Daryl Landau on June 4, 2012 at 9:14am

Hi Cinnie,
I've been interested in conflict coaching ever since I learned about it...likely via your efforts.  I encouraged community organizations where I do volunteer mediation to adopt the process.  You're a leader in the field, and I want to learn about your process and tips.

 

Sometimes I've struggled to get results in cases where the client is sponsored by Management.  Either I didn't get enough time, or didn't use the right tools, or the person was just too entrenched...maybe I'll learn enough to kick myself!

 

Cheers,

Daryl Landau

Permalink Reply by Chris Freeman on June 4, 2012 at 10:39am

Hey Cinnie,

 

In a previous job, we had a method for preparation for mediation that included a segment of coaching. I was exposed to your process in my current work and appreciated the way your approach can be used in a much broader sense. I've found it to be very useful.

It seems that it's important to follow the steps, and they do flow and provide a good framework. One thing I've noticed is that there is often a critical question that suddenly provides a huge amount of insight in the answer. I understand that it's the act of following through the model that allows that and I do need to get more and more familiar with it, and at the same time my focus right now is to become better at crafting questions.

 

In terms of the reading for this week, it was helpful to review an academic synopsis of the pillars, especially the mediation ones and reflect on where my practice lies.

 

Looking forward to it,

 

Chris Freeman

Permalink Reply by Chip Coker on June 4, 2012 at 4:37pm

I'm the ED of a community mediation program.  We have contracts with a number of government and ngo organizations where, for a set annual fee, they can send referrals to us without charge to the actual participants.  However, as is often the case, the first party that is referred to us is motivated to try the process, but the second party is not.  When a contractor is spending thousands of dollars for our service and they send us (let's say, for example) 60 referrals during a year, and then they learn from our reports that only 15 of the cases were actually mediated, they often wonder if they should be paying for 15 cases, instead of 60.  I want to be able to offer comprehensive conflict coaching to the first party, so that my contractor sees the continued value of our service, even when cases don't go to the table.

The added benefit is that when both parties are willing to mediate, they will both be fully prepared and at the top of their game from all the pre-mediation coaching they will get!

I will be participating with an eye towards how I can develop a training in this subject, to get all my volunteer mediators up to speed, as quickly as possible.  Thanks for hosting this forum!

PS:  I didn't hear about this opportunity until last week, when it was posted on the NAFCM listserve.  I've ordered the book, but it has yet to arrive - so I will be playing catch up.

Permalink Reply by Cinnie Noble on June 4, 2012 at 5:12pm

Hi Chip:

It is a great application of coaching  -  to prepare parties to actively and effectively participate in mediation and when one person doesn't show up or want to engage in the process. Under circumstances when people want to manage situations without the help of a third party conflict management coaching  also provides a service that is increasingly being used in a range of settings.

 

I am so glad you found out about this forum and please feel free to ask questions that will help you reach your goals. volunteers.

Cinnie

 

Permalink Reply by Cinnie Noble on June 4, 2012 at 5:19pm

Hi Chris - it's always great to hear from you! And I look forward to hearing your answer to Tammy's question.

Speaking of questions, I think that  framing 'possibility' questions is one of the strongest skills coaches develop. It's not  an easy task to articulate the ones that facilitate increased self-awareness and insights and it takes lots of practice. We'll be talking further about skills such as this later in the month too.

Cinnie

 
Tammy Lenski said:

Hi, Chris, welcome to the book group! It sounds like you have some good coaching experience and are pretty familiar with Cinnie's work. Is there anything in particular you want from your participation here this month?

Tammy

Chris Freeman said:

Hey Cinnie,

 

In a previous job, we had a method for preparation for mediation that included a segment of coaching. I was exposed to your process in my current work and appreciated the way your approach can be used in a much broader sense. I've found it to be very useful.

It seems that it's important to follow the steps, and they do flow and provide a good framework. One thing I've noticed is that there is often a critical question that suddenly provides a huge amount of insight in the answer. I understand that it's the act of following through the model that allows that and I do need to get more and more familiar with it, and at the same time my focus right now is to become better at crafting questions.

 

In terms of the reading for this week, it was helpful to review an academic synopsis of the pillars, especially the mediation ones and reflect on where my practice lies.

 

Looking forward to it,

 

Chris Freeman

Permalink Reply by Cinnie Noble on June 4, 2012 at 5:22pm

Hi Daryl:

It's really great that you encouraged a community organization to adopt a coaching process. I would be curious to know (and Chip may be too) under what circumstances the organization is using a conflict management coaching process.

 

Tammy's question is of interest to me as well. I look forward to hearing more.

Cinnie 

 
Tammy Lenski said:

Hi, Daryl -

So glad you've joined us for the discussion of Cinnie's book. You mention that sometimes you've struggled to get results when coaching someone who's sponsored by management. Can you say a bit about the kinds of discussions from book group that you think would be most helpful to you?

Tammy

Daryl Landau said:

Hi Cinnie,
I've been interested in conflict coaching ever since I learned about it...likely via your efforts.  I encouraged community organizations where I do volunteer mediation to adopt the process.  You're a leader in the field, and I want to learn about your process and tips.

 

Sometimes I've struggled to get results in cases where the client is sponsored by Management.  Either I didn't get enough time, or didn't use the right tools, or the person was just too entrenched...maybe I'll learn enough to kick myself!

 

Cheers,

Daryl Landau

Permalink Reply by Cinnie Noble on June 4, 2012 at 7:47pm

I would like to add another question to those above.

 

For those who have had the chance to read the Introduction and Chapter One of the book, what two things did you  learn about conflict management coaching that you didn't know before you began reading?

Permalink Reply by Kristin Lawrence on June 4, 2012 at 9:56pm

Hi Cinnie, Tammy & all,

My name is Kristin, I am super excited to read this book with you. I am new to the coaching field, for the last 4 years I have been working as a mediator and a RJ facilitator, my masters is in DR and conflict management from SMU which I think prepared me well for those roles.

Recently I relocated with family to the SF Bay area and have decided to reformulate my conflict practice, and focus on conflict coaching. I am looking forward to this book to help me gain insights into how mediation differs from coaching while developing a systematic method that I can use with clients. Dr. Folger's work inspires me as it makes the most sense to helping people in conflict, so far I can hear a hint of influence on your practice so I am sure that I will enjoy your ideology and methods as well. 

In the first chapter, the information on neuroscience and coaching is new to me. I get that understanding neuroscience  will help us understand how we make decisions (which in turn helps us help client) but I have not had the chance to dive too far into it. What line of questioning, do you take with clients that keep them focused long enough on a particular challenge, that will help them to gain new perspectives on how they want to move forward with that challenge? 

That's all for now,

kristin

 

Permalink Reply by Cinnie Noble on June 5, 2012 at 7:28am

Hi Kristin and welcome to the discussion. You ask a great question.

 

Generally-speaking,  I think many of us have learned how to manage conflict by  either reacting (and often strongly and ineffectively)  when there are interpersonal differences between and among us. Or we wait until things have escalated before addressing the problems. Or, we hope that things won't evolve and just go away. On this basis we don't focus our energies on gaining conflict intelligence to be able to effectively and competently engage in conflict. If we as practitioners employ more proactive approaches, I like to think we can effect change about how we learn to 'be' in conflict. I like to also  think it not only helps the individuals that we assist (peacebuilding - one person at a time as my motto goes) but ultimately serves a systemic function too.

You are right - the Promise of Mediation and other transformative practices influenced the development of the CINERGY model. Similarly as outlined in Chapter 1, priniciples from narrative, solution-focused and insight mediation processes are inherent in the framework. In actual fact as you read,  I developed the model through experiential study and  for a long time, I would say it was a practice looking for a theory.  I examined what helped my study group members shift their way of thinking about and managing their conflicts and it became evident that a range of coaching and mediation and neuroscience priniciples inherently informed and formed the 7 stages.

 

To more directly answer your question about focusing clients, I find it is very important as a starting point to ensure the clients are clear on what they want to achieve in coaching.This is consistent with neuroscience and coaching principles. In fact, in my intake process (discussed in Chapter 3) I ask  each client to consider and come prepared to identify what s/he hopes to accomplish in coaching. This is not always an easy task and it is time well spent for clients and coaches alike to be clear on this. That is, the clients' goal becomes the beacon for them and for the coach. After ascertaining that fundamental objective the 7 steps provide a process that  incrementally builds on goal attainment by increasing the clients' self- awareness  before coaching them to decide and implement action steps according to what they want to have happen. The coach's role among other things, is to help keep each client focused on the goal and the process and note when they may be straying from their intention.

 

The  line of questioning starting with  questions such as above i.e. 'what do you want to achieve in coaching?' are of course, dependent on so many variables. The initial queries may also include:'How will you know when you have reached that goal?' or 'How will you measure your progress (success)?'.  The process by virtue of its methodology keeps clients attuned to their goal. If they appear to stray questions may be, 'How is that relevant to your goal?' 'Where does that fit with your goal?' 

 

It is also important to note that sometimes clients change their goals as they gain increased insight through the process. The coaches' responsibility includes noticing that too and being where the client is when that happens.

 

I hope that is helpful and Tammy may have some suggestions too.

 

Thanks for participating, Kristin.

 
Kristin Lawrence said:

Hi Cinnie, Tammy & all,

My name is Kristin, I am super excited to read this book with you. I am new to the coaching field, for the last 4 years I have been working as a mediator and a RJ facilitator, my masters is in DR and conflict management from SMU which I think prepared me well for those roles.

Recently I relocated with family to the SF Bay area and have decided to reformulate my conflict practice, and focus on conflict coaching. I am looking forward to this book to help me gain insights into how mediation differs from coaching while developing a systematic method that I can use with clients. Dr. Folger's work inspires me as it makes the most sense to helping people in conflict, so far I can hear a hint of influence on your practice so I am sure that I will enjoy your ideology and methods as well. 

In the first chapter, the information on neuroscience and coaching is new to me. I get that understanding neuroscience  will help us understand how we make decisions (which in turn helps us help client) but I have not had the chance to dive too far into it. What line of questioning, do you take with clients that keep them focused long enough on a particular challenge, that will help them to gain new perspectives on how they want to move forward with that challenge? 

That's all for now,

kristin

 

Permalink Reply by Cinnie Noble on June 5, 2012 at 7:50am

Hi Celia - and I so agree with Tammy's comments on your practicum and on how interpersonal conflict can shift if only one person engages in a process like  conflict management coaching.

 

When I first started to explore coaching as a distinct mechanism in our field, I was struck by the notion that it could be a powerful technique for helping people to help themselves. I like the idea of proactive approaches and experience the value on an ongoing basis in my coaching practice.

 

I do want to qualify this comment by saying that I strongly believe in mediation and still have a mediation practice. It's just that I came to discover that not all people want to mediate and would rather gain the competence to engage in their interpersonal conflicts independently.  Or as we have discussed already, sometimes a party doesn't show up for mediation or doesn't want to participate. In my mediation work, I now use more coaching techniques and provide both pre and post mediation coaching. The applications are broad and I have found that one on one work  serves many purposes and expands the ADR  options available to help people find their way through conflict!

You describe people who come to you and it is these people who are likely very open to gaining assistance about how to approach and cope with situations on their own. This may be especially the case when there appears to be some resistance to mediation.

Thank you for weighing in and being part of the book club.

 
Tammy Lenski said:

Wow, Celia, what good and important work you're doing for your practicum. It's intriguing to consider the kinds of programmatic shifts that might be suggested by your work and how it turns out!

Coaching is a really good process for working through interpersonal conflict, even in instances where the relationship isn't as strong as it could be, because so much of interpersonal conflict can be shifted by just one of the parties changing the way they're engaging it.

I look forward to hearing more about your work as we talk,

Tammy

Celia Jarratt said:

Hello All,

My name is Celia and I'm a Creighton NDR student working on my practicum.  I'm drawn to the topic of conflict coaching partiallly because of the work I'm doing for my practicum with a non-profit that works with women who are or have been in the military and because I am a military officer.  A lot of the conflict I see or experience is between people of differing ranks and though the military is mandated to have an ADR program in each service, I've never seen anyone use it.  There are many interpersonal conflicts that aren't monumental and causing enough problems to get attention, but if the relationships were improved and conflicts lessened, the end result would be better for the entire organization.  I am in a position to provide amateur coaching to those around me, whether they're peers, subordinates, or (rarely) even superiors who come to me asking for advice.  For part of my practicum I'm exploring conflict situations women face in the military and professionally and will provide the organization with resources to help manage these situations which will be available to all members.  I'm looking forward to getting deeper into the model & techniques!  

Celia 

Permalink Reply by Daryl Landau on June 5, 2012 at 9:19am

Hi Tammy and Cinnie,

St. Stephen's adopted a conflict coaching process a number of years ago - not because of me, I expect I was one of several voices.  We didn't like having to tell a party, "Sorry, the other party doesn't want to mediate, so we can't do anything to help."

As for my goals for this discussion, they are broad, and they are already getting met:  I'm picking up some tips from the book and the discussions. 

Thanks,

Daryl

 
Cinnie Noble said:

Hi Daryl:

It's really great that you encouraged a community organization to adopt a coaching process. I would be curious to know (and Chip may be too) under what circumstances the organization is using a conflict management coaching process.

 

Tammy's question is of interest to me as well. I look forward to hearing more.

Cinnie 

 
Tammy Lenski said:

Hi, Daryl -

So glad you've joined us for the discussion of Cinnie's book. You mention that sometimes you've struggled to get results when coaching someone who's sponsored by management. Can you say a bit about the kinds of discussions from book group that you think would be most helpful to you?

Tammy

Daryl Landau said:

Hi Cinnie,
I've been interested in conflict coaching ever since I learned about it...likely via your efforts.  I encouraged community organizations where I do volunteer mediation to adopt the process.  You're a leader in the field, and I want to learn about your process and tips.

 

Sometimes I've struggled to get results in cases where the client is sponsored by Management.  Either I didn't get enough time, or didn't use the right tools, or the person was just too entrenched...maybe I'll learn enough to kick myself!

 

Cheers,

Daryl Landau

Permalink Reply by Chris Freeman on June 5, 2012 at 3:36pm

Tammy, Cinnie and all, I think pretty much just the focus on questions. Where that is coming from though is that there is always the temptation to provide answers or suggestions, and some people really tempt you by inviting your opinion. Questions are one way of living with that temptation inside the model and are an intinsic part of the methodology as I understand it, and can help to stimulate the kind of new-found perspective that leads to insight. Finding the right question at the right moment, being able to ask enough questions without seeming to (or without seeming to be side-stepping), putting the questions in understandable language, preparing people for that aspect of the process, and one other point that has just slipped my mind.

I will benefit from going through the model again, and as I deepen my understanding, and comfort level, I will be focusing on and thinking about questions.

 

That's all I got!

Chris

Tammy Lenski said:

Hi, Chris, welcome to the book group! It sounds like you have some good coaching experience and are pretty familiar with Cinnie's work. Is there anything in particular you want from your participation here this month?

Tammy

Chris Freeman said:

Hey Cinnie,

 

In a previous job, we had a method for preparation for mediation that included a segment of coaching. I was exposed to your process in my current work and appreciated the way your approach can be used in a much broader sense. I've found it to be very useful.

It seems that it's important to follow the steps, and they do flow and provide a good framework. One thing I've noticed is that there is often a critical question that suddenly provides a huge amount of insight in the answer. I understand that it's the act of following through the model that allows that and I do need to get more and more familiar with it, and at the same time my focus right now is to become better at crafting questions.

 

In terms of the reading for this week, it was helpful to review an academic synopsis of the pillars, especially the mediation ones and reflect on where my practice lies.

 

Looking forward to it,

 

Chris Freeman

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