Testing for assholes and it's application in conflict mediation

In a response to Lynsee's question:

Sutton writes about two tests for spotting if a person is acting like an asshole (pg.9). In your opinion, Is the "test" he describes a good assessment for spotting assholes? Is there other key elements that you would add? Anything you would take out?

I have to say that I found myself quite unconvinced about test 2: "Does the alleged asshole aim his or her venom at people who are less powerful rather than at those people who are more powerful?" I think many 'arseholes' as I would say, come from competitivity between equals as well as underlings. I therefore think that this test would be more appropriate if it included aiming his or her venom at people with the same power or less. I myself have witnessed such behavour between colleagues of equal status and in my opinion I believe the person was a complete asshole!

However, I think that most people do know an asshole when they meet one, so I think the main point is not identifying them so much as it is dealing with them appropriately with minimum damage.

I am also curious to know your opinions on how a test like this can be used in conflict mediation. I see it being a little like the opposite of the previous book we read, the Tipping Point where Gladwell instructed us on how to find and characterise positive characters (connectors and mavens) that can make positive changes: Sutton is showing us how to identify and get rid of assholes that may put a spanner in the works of any mediation intervention involving two groups.

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Nicole Bohe on June 5, 2011 at 5:22pm

I like your addition to the second prong. However, I think it's probably much more obvious the person is an ***hole when they direct it at a person in lower power. The receiving person probably can't actually do anything about what the ***hole is saying/complaining about so it's clear that the ***hole is just using them to provoke some sick validation in themselves. If the ***hole is picking on someone on their same level, then the receiving person might be able to do something - give a response, address the problem, etc. They aren't necessarily as scared about what their next move will bring in retaliation. In short, someone on the ***hole's same level at least has a smidgen of a possibility to realize something is wrong and take the appropriate action.

But really good job for bringing that addition to the test - very admirable critical thinking skills. It's always hard for me to step outside what someone is telling me and think of how it can be changed. So thanks for the perspective!

Permalink Reply by John C. Turley on June 6, 2011 at 2:05pm

Jo:

I agree with your point about dealing with the asshole to contain their potential damage. It is a challenge because one is always on guard. I would make light of my asshole encounters by flinching, cringing, cowering and covering my head with an imaginary helmet when meeting with my special matrix management asshole. He was well known throughout the corporation since his brother was the CEO. I received sympathy/empathy points because of my relationship with him. I always delivered the goods which is why he allowed me to exist;however, I balanced business with humor to preserve my sanity and my job. One of the root causes of his bad behavior was that my bosses turned down his hand picked candidate for my job so I was always under the microscope. They could only tolerate so many additional assholes at one time! Further, he was an authentic "loose cannon" by all accounts. Anyhow, we muddled through knowing what we all needed to manage. He did not destroy me, so I became stronger.

Permalink Reply by shirin.stemmadison on June 22, 2011 at 9:35pm

I agree with you about figuring out how to deal with the ***hole is more the question. I just want to put it out there that whenever I see a person acting like this toward someone else, be it a person of lesser status or higher status, it is not the reality of whether or not that person's status is higher or lower, but what the ***hole's PERSPECTIVE of whether that person he/she aims his/her venom to is higher or lower.

Basically, to me, if an ***hole feels that someone else is higher or lower in status, then that ***hole would act as such toward that person because they feel threatened by them, whether or not that person is actually higher or lower.

In any event, I wish there was a way to help the ***hole from feeling threatened and just treat everyone the way they want to be treated. Perhaps, as a people who work in the conflict resolution field, we can all help those ***holes feel human! Treat them like they are important, and perhaps, they too will treat the others like they are important.

Permalink Reply by Lynsee Swisher on June 24, 2011 at 12:02am

You make some great points about those of us working in the field of conflict resolution field making these people feel human.

What tools from your tool box do you think you could use. What does anyone else think? Can our profession help make these people go from Jerks to people we could all work with?

Looking forward to hearing your thoughts.

Lynsee

shirin.stemmadison said:

I agree with you about figuring out how to deal with the ***hole is more the question. I just want to put it out there that whenever I see a person acting like this toward someone else, be it a person of lesser status or higher status, it is not the reality of whether or not that person's status is higher or lower, but what the ***hole's PERSPECTIVE of whether that person he/she aims his/her venom to is higher or lower.

Basically, to me, if an ***hole feels that someone else is higher or lower in status, then that ***hole would act as such toward that person because they feel threatened by them, whether or not that person is actually higher or lower.

In any event, I wish there was a way to help the ***hole from feeling threatened and just treat everyone the way they want to be treated. Perhaps, as a people who work in the conflict resolution field, we can all help those ***holes feel human! Treat them like they are important, and perhaps, they too will treat the others like they are important.