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Permalink Reply by John C. Turley on December 30, 2010 at 11:25pm

Happy Holidays Noam!  The NYT's link did not come from me.  I read the article the other day with great interest.  During the Spring, I was inspired to reach out to two previous bosses who had done me wrong. I was moved by the power of forgiveness thanks to Eileen Barker's class and the overall CU learning experience.  I took the approach that I would forgive these rascals for their past acts of nastiness against me and the world community in general.  They both have a special circle reserved for them in Dante's Inferno.  As you can tell, I have somewhat forgiven them;however, there are legions of others who will never be as kind as I.

I was surprised by their separate and yet similar reactions to my ouvertures for peace and reconciliation.  Both gentlemen interpreted my approach as my request to receive absolution from them.  NO! NO! NO! They still do not get it.  I am forgiving them since I am the aggrieved party.  At least this is my perception.  Once I realized that nothing had changed on their parts in 30 years, I chalked it up to a noble idea.  I further understood that the poor chemistry between us did not change nor mellow with age like wine.  What was bad in 1980 remained true to form in 2010.  I would like to think that I have changed and that I am more tolerant of bad behavior.  I did and I am.  I do not feel any better about revisiting painful memories.  It is not like a great burden was lifted or my soul was renewed through the enlightenment attached to forgiveness.  I am glad that I made the effort.  I do not wish to include these people in my life as I move forward.  Again, the exercise was worth the effort on my part.  St. Ignatius would approve.

JCT

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Permalink Reply by Noam Ebner on December 31, 2010 at 1:33am

I'm sure he would!

I think the next exercise (which you may have done already, in these cases), is to experience the full power of forgiveness irrepsective of the other's reaction. Their recognition of wrong, their retroactive acceptance of their transgressions or their unspoken or spoken apology spanning back across time - all these are simply not part of our own process, they are part of their's. Either they get it, or they don't; either way, as you wrote, the act of forgiveness is the ultmate cord-cutting. And, now that you've reflected on this and eked out the last bit of insight, you can truly leave them behind and have a great new year, with less baggage...

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Permalink Reply by John C. Turley on December 31, 2010 at 1:09pm

Thank you Noam for your insights.  Perhaps, this is the answer or outcome that I was seeking from them which they were incapable of rendering.   Instead, my answer came from an objective third party as a result of engaging in the forgiveness process.  This is the wonder of such an endeavor.  Other people will meet us on our journey to give us perspective and additional reference points to consider.  Thanks again for your wisdom.

Happy New Year!

 

JCT

Noam Ebner said:

I'm sure he would!

I think the next exercise (which you may have done already, in these cases), is to experience the full power of forgiveness irrepsective of the other's reaction. Their recognition of wrong, their retroactive acceptance of their transgressions or their unspoken or spoken apology spanning back across time - all these are simply not part of our own process, they are part of their's. Either they get it, or they don't; either way, as you wrote, the act of forgiveness is the ultmate cord-cutting. And, now that you've reflected on this and eked out the last bit of insight, you can truly leave them behind and have a great new year, with less baggage...

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