How NOT To Mediate!

(Don Sinkov/YourDivorceMediator.com)- When I was first trained as a mediator through an internship at NYU, I was sent to a government agency to see how they resolve disputes. I worked with the head of the Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) Department. He was going to show me how he resolved disputes, using mediation. He planned to introduce me as his co-mediator, however, he also made it clear that he was pretty much going to be driving the bus. He said, “I’m going to show you how we do things around here.”

Two women came in the room. One woman was bringing charges of harassment against the other. She was really aggressive, loud and banging her fist on the table. She threatened to start a lawsuit and go after monetary damages. The other woman started yelling, too, and pretty soon we had pandemonium. It was hard to keep control and calm them down, so my trainer put them in separate rooms. He took me aside and said:

“This is what I do with every case. Folks come into the room, and whether they are yelling or not, I separate them right away and I go back and forth. Shuttle mediation, you know, put them in separate rooms, go back and forth and try to get them to agree. If you put them in the same room, they just yell at each other.”

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