Journey To Empathy an ACR International Section Webinar

In collaboration with the

International Section of the Association for Conflict Resolution (ACR)

This presentation follows the presenter’s research into Empathy and Compassion as tools in mediation and negotiation.

Empathy is often listed as the primary skill of any successful mediator and there are many tools in the mediator’s tool box to help us towards the goal of true empathy.

What then is empathy and how do we get it? Is it a learnable skill? Is it just walking in someone else’s shoes?

At its simplest it can be described as very focused and attentive listening followed by a kind response. It could also be thought of as the conscious projection of ‘good will’.

The essence is based on ancient traditions from India, often now associated with Buddhism but undoubtedly predating it, called metta bhavana, which translates as the cultivation of loving kindness.

This cultivation is accomplished through various forms of meditation. The evidence of the efficacy of meditation, empathy and compassion is now well established scientifically through such research as fMRI brain scanning.

When active listening, focused good will, empathy and compassion are used in high conflict situations, the effect can be almost magical in transforming hostile relationships into recognition of our common humanity in difficult times.

It is not an easy path but the rewards are commensurate to the effort.

Martin Golder is a mediator in Victoria, British Columbia, Canada. He is a member of Mediate BC and a mentor in the BC Court Mediation program.

He has spent 15 years following a path to understand and use empathy as a primary tool in conflict management.

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Permalink Reply by lynne kinnucan on April 27, 2015 at 5:21pm

when I tuned in, it said that the webinar had ended. ?

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Permalink Reply by Bryan Hanson on April 28, 2015 at 4:35pm

The archive for this webinar is availble for viewing by clicking play on the media player above. Please feel free to continue the conversation in this discussion forum. Enjoy! Bryan

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Permalink Reply by Dane Keehn on April 29, 2015 at 12:17pm

Great short presentation on empathy in mediation. I think so many of us need to be reminded that in many mediations how we show up in the room... our presence... our empathetic state, so to speak, is at least as important as any techniques we might have and use.

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Permalink Reply by Marin Golder on April 29, 2015 at 3:54pm

As this was a first time presentation in this format I am certainly interested in straight talking evaluations of how it could be better. What worked? What didn't? Also I am still a keen student of Empathy and Compassion and have started thinking along the oxymoronic lines of Empathy or focused good will as a 'weapon' in conflict situations. Thanks to all who attended. If you did not it is here through the wonders of the internet to see. Kind regards Martin Golder

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Permalink Reply by Marin Golder on April 29, 2015 at 4:34pm

Links

The original article

http://www.mediate.com/articles/golderM.cfm

My thoughts on the first Empathy and Compassion in Society conference in London in 2012

https://martingolder.wordpress.com/2013/09/09/empathy-and-compassio...

My thoughts on Compassion Week at Stanford 2014

https://martingolder.wordpress.com/2014/12/16/compassion-week-at-st...

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Permalink Reply by Dane Keehn on April 29, 2015 at 5:52pm

Martin,

Responding to your request for feedback: I think the simplest feedback I can give is to say we could have used more: Felt like you were just getting into the swing of things when time was called. Specifically, I would have loved to hear a few ways you would have responded-- what you would have said to show visibly the empathy and compassion you wanted the disputants to hear-- in that role play. I doubt this feedback will be news to you, but while hearing how you got to your insights about the importance of empathy in mediation, and seeing the meditation practice you use was useful, for me, coming away with ways to actually convey that empathy (and even better... how to teach others to convey that empathy) would have been more useful. Your presentation was inspiring as demonstrated by the fact that as soon as you were done, I launched into looking into the conferences you mentioned... and I started reading the e-book on "Compassion, Bridging Practice and Science." I am tasked with teaching a "Having Difficult Conversations" class and I think one of the keys to that class will be to figure out how to present people with the importance of having empathy in those conversations.

Appreciated your presentation,

dane

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Permalink Reply by Marin Golder on April 29, 2015 at 7:54pm

Thanks for that Dane,

In the full day course the whole afternoon is spent on exactly that. What you say in terms of content is not as important as that whatever it is is relevant and kind and equally kind to all parties. Relevance demands real listening. Kindness is an expression of our common humanity in difficult situations. It is not important to address the content or try for solution. It is only important to be kind.

Thanks again for the feedback

Martin

Dane Keehn said:

Martin,

Responding to your request for feedback: I think the simplest feedback I can give is to say we could have used more: Felt like you were just getting into the swing of things when time was called. Specifically, I would have loved to hear a few ways you would have responded-- what you would have said to show visibly the empathy and compassion you wanted the disputants to hear-- in that role play. I doubt this feedback will be news to you, but while hearing how you got to your insights about the importance of empathy in mediation, and seeing the meditation practice you use was useful, for me, coming away with ways to actually convey that empathy (and even better... how to teach others to convey that empathy) would have been more useful. Your presentation was inspiring as demonstrated by the fact that as soon as you were done, I launched into looking into the conferences you mentioned... and I started reading the e-book on "Compassion, Bridging Practice and Science." I am tasked with teaching a "Having Difficult Conversations" class and I think one of the keys to that class will be to figure out how to present people with the importance of having empathy in those conversations.

Appreciated your presentation,

dane