(MoneyWatch) COMMENTARY Yesterday a good friend of mine called me in tears. She said she had a very upsetting interaction with someone she had known for many years and didn't know what to do about it. Our conversation during those first few minutes was dominated by a flurry of emotions. Based on my experience coaching couples to resolve their financial disagreements, my master's education in clinical psychology, and my life coach experience with Robbins-Madanes Coach Training, I've distilled a few key steps that may not resolve every conflict, but will certainly help to improve communications. Here is the six-step process I followed with her:

1. Drill down. When you get upset, you become flooded with hormones and emotions. Your mind can start to resemble a bee hive of activity -- racing thoughts and a lack of clear focus. Your goal at this stage is drill down and to really try to figure out what you are actually most upset about. I know; you're probably upset over 20 different things, but your job is to keep drilling until you hit the core of what is most upsetting. Once you get past feeling angry and thinking that your boss is a jerk, you may find that there is something deeper that is really troubling you. Are you upset that your boss called you out in a meeting when he knew you didn't have the answer or that you're really upset you weren't prepared? The answer will have a profound effect on how you handle the situation.

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